Super SaraSense
by TraceZBullet
Summary: Greg is the main character, and he's plotting to win Sara's heart once and for all. Unfortunately for him, Grissom has a super power that could tip the balance in his favor. Parody.
1. Chapter 1

Greg was listening to music. Loud music. Not that that was unusual but this time it was for a good cause. Sara. Sara wasn't really a cause. But getting Sara to notice him was. Unfortunately for our hero, Grissom already knew Greg's plan and was plotting one of his own.

Grissom walked hurriedly to the DNA lab and shouted in the doorway, "Greg turn that off!"

Greg looked up, tail between his legs, and meekly turned the radio off.

"With you around, I'm beginning to regret getting my hearing fixed!" Grissom exclaimed, chuckling. Greg forced a laugh and tried not to watch as Sara walked nonchalantly past the doorway.

_Darn it! _He thought, _if only Grissom weren't here, she would have come in and _we'd_ be having this conversation!_

Grissom smiled, his counter-attack was working. He too had noticed Sara but not visually. He had a super-power called Sara-sense which made him able to tell where Sara was at all times so he could find her…or avoid her if necessary. "Well, Greg," Grissom said, holding back an evil laugh, "I want those results as soon as possible, so don't be afraid to put in a little overtime until you're done!"

Greg sighed, "Yes, sir."

Grissom practically skipped off…and ran right into Sara.

**Author's note: **My first parody fic, please review, more to come… maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

They were sprawled in the hallway and Grissom had landed mostly on top of Sara.

"Oof," Sara said.

Grissom groaned. His papers that had been tossed in the air snowed down and blanketed the unmoving pair. Every hair on both of their bodies was standing on end. Sara strained upward expectantly…then Greg ran up. "Sara!" he shouted worriedly, "You okay?" Sara said nothing and continued to stare at Grissom. Greg tapped his foot impatiently.

"You planning on getting up any time soon?" Greg asked, even more impatiently, but was shrewdly hatching a new plan.

"Oh," Grissom said absently and rolled off of Sara and stood quickly. Sara still lay on the ground, looking between the two men confusedly. Greg stooped and placed one foot calculatedly on a sheet of paper and offered Sara his hand. She took it and Greg pulled. The paper, of course, slipped and Greg landed on top of Sara.

"Oof," Sara said.

"Sorry," Greg laughed, "That seems to be happening to you a lot recently."

Sara giggled and Grissom got the sudden and violent urge to rip his own hair out.

"So," Sara murmured, "are _you_ going to get off me?"

"Only if you let me take you to dinner," Greg said quietly, and what he hoped was subtlety.

Sara giggled again. Grissom smiled to himself and said, "Greg, I'll invitem myself along, if you don't mind, we need to discuss the case."

It was Greg's turn to get the urge to rip his own hair out. But then he decided that since his hair was his most attractive trait, other than his sense of humor, he would rip his clothes off instead. That aught to get Sara's attention. Just then, Sara poked him.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night, Grissom was at home, studying all the butterflies he had on his walls. They made him think of a certain case, and of Sara. Thinking of Sara made his Super Sara-sense tingle. He went and splashed some water on his face. He hoped he wasn't too dressed up. He was wearing a tuxedo complete with bowtie (clip-on, but it looked nice) He wondered where Greg was taking them, or if he would even come; he wanted Sara to himself, that was obvious.

A siren went off in Grissom's mind whenever Sara was within 20 yards of him. Greg and Sara were there. Grissom peeked out the window to see Sara driving the Tahoe and Greg riding shotgun. _Damn!_ He'd have to ride in the backseat. Grissom also noticed that Greg was wearing a t-shirt. Grissom raced upstairs, sliding on the hardwood, and stripped as fast as he could. He threw on trousers and a Navy button-up before slipping on some loafers. He narrowly avoided tumbling down the stairs and screeched outside the door.

He slipped into the Tahoe with "Hi, Sara" on his lips only to stop, when he saw Greg and Sara laughing and each tugging on one end of Sara's lipstick.

Sara threw a, "Hey, Griss," over her shoulder and smacked Greg's wrist. Greg looked surprised and snatched his hand away.

"Rawrr! Feisty!" Greg said.

Sara smiled satisfiedly and applied the lipstick. When she was finished, she looked in the rearview mirror and noticed Grissom staring blankly at her lips. She smiled and looked at Greg evily. "Greg, backseat," she ordered, barely stifling a giggle.

"What?" Greg asked incredulously.

"That's where the kids have to ride," she explained. _Maybe this will go better than I originally expected,_ Grissom thought with a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

_Definitely better than expected, _Grissom thought as he climbed into the front seat, next to Sara. She smiled and winked before starting the engine. Something in Grissom's stomach woke up and started doing jumping jacks.

"So," Greg said to dissolve the tension, "how's work Sara?"

"Great!" Sara exclaimed, "There's a really nice, sweet guy there."

Greg himself felt like doing jumping jacks. Grissom's face fell- until Sara met his eyes and silently mouthed, "You." Greg watched himself bounce up and down in the rearview mirror and as he watched his spikey hair brush the roof of the SUV, he wondered where he was taking Sara for dinner.

Grissom was wondering the same thing.

So was Sara.

She began circling the block. Greg realized she was waiting for him to say something. It was either then, or Grissom would suggest something. Both men began frantically thinking of a place that wasn't too fancy or casual. Greg wanted to cry he wanted to impress her so badly. Sara surprised them both and said, "Let's go to In-and Out Burgers"

Greg smiled and nodded in the mirror. She caught his eye and smiled flirtatiously back. Greg remembered a rock song, by Green Day: "She's an extraordinary girl…" and began humming it. Grissom rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the Super Sara-Sense siren going off loudly in his ear.

The Tahoe soon pulled up to the restaurant and Greg hopped out, before Sara even stopped the car. Grissom saw what he was doing and jumped out too, slamming the car door. Sara looked puzzledly after him but continued to park. As soon as she turned off the engine, Greg pulled the door open, bowed as far down as he could and offered his hand. "Fair lady," he said dramatically. (he thought "my" was a little too far on the first date.) Unfortunately for him, since he was bowing, he never saw Grissom's tackle coming.

**Author's note: **I have no idea where this is going, must keep writing….


	5. Chapter 5

Greg grunted as Grissom hit his knees. Greg, of course, buckled to the pavement while Sara watched; horrified, at first, then amused and oddly touched. Grissom stood up, once Greg submitted. Greg said, "Oof." Grissom ignored him and held out his hand. He was standing _on_ Greg.

Greg decided to act manly for Sara and ignore Grissom, who was _very_ heavy. Greg instead studied the dirt covering the ground around him and, no doubt, covering his face as well.

Greg grunted as Grissom hit his knees. Greg, of course, buckled to the pavement while Sara watched; horrified, at first, then amused and oddly touched. Grissom stood up, once Greg submitted. Greg said, "Oof." Grissom ignored him and held out his hand to Sara. He was standing _on_ Greg.

Sara stepped out of the car, walked past both Grissom and Greg and strutted on toward the door. Grissom stared after her, eyes narrowed and completely missing what had just happened. "Oof," Greg said again, louder.

"Oh, sorry Greg, I was experimenting for the, um, 'case'" Grissom said, and stepped off our hero. Greg dragged himself to his feet. Grissom was already walking to the door, hand resting on Sara's elbow. Greg ran after. Grissom winked at Greg and tripped on the curb, calculating to land on Sara. Greg was two steps ahead of Grissom, which placed him two steps behind Sara. Greg slipped in between Grissom and his target and caught Grissom. He grinned satisfiedly as Grissom straitened. "This means war," Grissom said, under his breath, "and maybe you should do your laundry before then..."

Only then did Greg examine the extent of the damage Grissom had waged on his vintage t-shirt. "Oh man," Greg said loudly. Sara turned to him, in the doorway, causing Greg to beam and Grissom to simmer.

"Greg, you've got to stop letting Nick use you as his roof-tossing dummy," Sara laughed.

Greg's expression brightened even more. "So, you think that would be cool if I did that?" he asked eagerly.

"Well, it depends..."she replied.

Greg decided to act manly for Sara and ignore Grissom, who was _very_ heavy. Greg instead studied the dirt covering the ground around him and, no doubt, covering his face as well. A girl walking across the parking lot saw Greg's dirty face and collapsed.

Meanwhile, Sara was in an inner turmoil. She kept goinging back and forth. Did she want to appear independent and possibly rude or would she seem weak, if she wasn't independent. The issue was weighing her down. Then there was the issue rather or not to take Grissom's hand. What she really couldn't decide was if she wanted onions or mushrooms on her veggie burger.

Greg plotted his next move but was unfortunately immovable. Sara finally reached her decision and then had to decide rather or not to take Grissom's hand. Grissom was very patient, to Greg's dismay. Then Greg got an idea, a brilliant idea. It would make Sara finally recognize his talent. If only he could get back to work! But there was dinner to get through first.


	6. Chapter 6

Greg slammed the restroom door open and went to the paper towel dispenser. He pulled on the end that was peeking out and a quarter-sized piece tore off. He pulled again, and another quarter-sized piece tore off. He swore and tried to ignore the epithelials covering the floor as he went over to the sink. He ran a tiny stream of warm water and dampened the paper towel. There was no hope for his white t-shirt, thanks to Grissom, but his face could be saved. He swore again and started dabbing his forehead. 

He could only imagine what Sara and Grissom were doing without him.

* * *

Sara and Grissom were in the car and Grissom was getting out duct tape. The windows were steamed and blurry from the outside. 

"So, where should I tape first?" Grissom asked.

Sara pointed and Grissom cut off a strip of tape. He then proceeded to tape...a picture to the car window. You see, Grissom and Sara were reviewing crime-scene shots. Their burgers were making the steam. Grissom felt the urge to chuckle evily any way. He couldn't wait to see Greg when he walked out and saw them. Sara was his, he just didn't know what to do about it. Until then, Greg would have to be delt with.

Luckless Greg chose that moment to come out of the restroom. He whistled as hewalked across the parkinglot. His hair was back in order, and- he screeched toa halt when he saw theTahoe. He screamed and ran to the SUV. His hands itched to tear something. His hair practically shivered in fear. Grissom thought crafitily and unbuttoned his shirt. Sara looked at him. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Honey... I mean Sara."

Grissompushed the door open and fumbled to button his shirt up again. Greggo took one look at both Sara andhalf-dressed Grissom and fainted. Grissom giggled andgrabbed the roll ofduct tape.

**A/N: Sorry for the REALLY short chapter, I'm not at home so I can't otherwise save this. Sorry!**


	7. Chapter 7

"Mmmph!" Greg's muffled yell came barely through the strip of duct tape plastered over his mouth. He screamed again but no one heard. He couldn't believe it. He had been left, bound and gagged, by Grissom and to add insult to injury, he was in a trash can. His feet and hands were immobile. The only available tool was a Burger wrapper and a half-eaten pickle–which he was sitting on. He tried not to think about it too hard but the wet stain on the seat of his pants was very uncomfortable.

Greg instead tried to maneuver his hands–which were taped rather tightly behind his back–to grab the wrapper. He wasn't sure what his plan was. Did he even have a plan? What was he going to do, paper cut the duct tape off?

After some rocking and one scare, when he thought the trash can was going to fall over into the path of a passing Honda, Greg had managed to get hold of the crumpled paper. He was breathing quite hard, his heart galloping in his chest, and trying to keep from passing out became ever more difficult since he couldn't use his mouth. The trash can smelled like dead cat, and Greg was getting claustrophobic. He felt close to panicking as his chest constricted from lack of oxygen. Greg's eyes leaked "sweat" (a more manly occurrence he believed) in his desperation.

_Just think about Sara,_ the rational part of his mind said. _Sara! _Grissom had her, and the last he had seen, they were driving away, Sara was waving a roll of duct tape, and Grissom's shirt was half-unbuttoned!

**Meanwhile...**

Sara and Grissom were finishing something they had desired for a very long time-

**Back to Greg...**

Greg got a brilliant plan. He would use the acidic pickle to dissolve the adhesive on the tape! He immediately dropped the greasy wrapper and wiggled his hands underneath him. The trash can rocked dangerously. "Mmmph!" Greg yelled angrily.

At that moment, a passer-by noticed the rocking can and commented to a friend, "There must be some animal in there, listen to it growling!"

"Hey, yeah," his friend agreed. Unfortunately, Greg was concentrating to hard to hear them.

"Do ya think it's a 'coon?"

"It could be rabid, whatever it is. I've got a cousin in Animal Control, I'll give him a call."

Greg suddenly realized what was happening and screamed.

"Hear that?" one asked.

"Sounds like a dyin' weasel."

Greg mmphed again.

"Hey, ya know what, that sounds kind of like my friend's kid brother when we tape him to a tree and use him for target practice."

The kid walked over and plucked the lid off to reveal a smelly, dirty, taped, and crying Greg. "Dude," the teenager said. Greg's cheeks pinkened in embarrassment. The kid reached down and tore the strip of tape from Greg's lips.

"Aaaagh!" Greg screamed. Greg saw a flash of steel as a knife flew through the air towards him. Just his luck, the people who found him turn out to be psychotic teenagers who like stabbing helpless strangers. He sucked in air for another scream.

"Hey little buddy, relax," the other kid said. The knife sliced cleanly through the tape and his wrists fell to his sides. Greg wheezed a quick thanks and dove out of the trash can. The CSI lab was only a few blocks away. He hurtled in that direction only pausing to wipe the pickle that was stuck to him to the ground. A green noxious cloud trailed shortly in his wake. He didn't notice the stares of the two teenagers he had left behind, he was too busy hoping Grissom wouldn't find him before he found Sara.

Finally, the familiar parking lot came into view and Greg gasped in relief. He ran in to the station, duct tape still trailing behind him and collapsed on the receptionist's counter.

"CSI, may I help you?" she asked perkily.

"Tell me where Grissom is, just tell me," Greg heaved.

"Um, sir," she began timidly.

"It's me, Greg!" he said hoarsely, fumbling to show his grungy I.D.

The receptionist looked startled and her eyes began to water as the stench hit her. She wrinkled her nose and pointed at Grissom's office. "He's in there...with Sara."

Greg ran down the hall, his shoes slipping on the previously clean tile. The blinds on the glass walls were shut and the windows were foggy. Greg kept muttering "No, no" as he stood in front of the door. Moans and sighs were just audible from the hallway. His hand touched the handle and the door swung inward.

Sara and Grissom were on the desk. "Hi," Sara said brightly. "We're testing the euphoric effects of a certain kind of cigar!"

Greg felt his face go white as he looked at Grissom. "Oh, hey Greg!' Grissom said, "'bout time you got here, shift started over half an hour ago!"


End file.
